I just reentered the Land of Single Ladies and Relationship Rejects after some time in a rather shady relationship. I took the necessary time to heal, and reorient, and jumped straight into the fun part: looking around like a puppy in a world full of bacon. As is usually the case with me, my eyes would follow anything tall, dark haired, and breathing, and I have to say. There were some very decent looking guys running around my neck of the woods. (God bless whoever created the muscle shirt. Good gracious, these boys in the gym...) However, I quickly came to find that none of these new connections had any of that gooey, magical substance to them, the feeling that pulled me into the last guy. The conversations felt lackluster, and after about ten minutes of talking to Mr. Ripped Arms, I was actually bored. How could this be? Did I build some sort of tolerance to love, like one does with drugs over time? Had I developed an unattainable level of expectation? Or perhaps ADHD? Or was I still subconsciously pining for my ex? (Yeah. No.) So what was wrong with me? The guy with the long Nicolas Cage face who could dead lift two hundred pounds should have been a keeper. But over the course of our conversations, he started rambling about his passion for video games and I legit spaced out. So the problem here seems to be a lack of commonality. We all yearn for that one person who finishes your sentences, who knows exactly what to do and why, who will be an incessant stream of Me Too! ’s and So Do I! ’s. I won't always admit it, but I do. And it does exist, because I’ve seen it. It’s just that my type is pretty specific, and pretty unabundant at the moment. Rather than be discouraged, if you are living a similar plight, I urge you not to give yourself to the ice cream diet and a six season bender on Netflix. Instead, I think that looking around and exploring is the best way to go. Talk to people. Get to know what makes them tick, ask questions, share stories, laugh a little. You will find someone who is just ‘okay’, I guarantee it. And when you find this one, feel free to go for it. There is this bizarre argument out there, stating that if you are pretty sure that you would never marry a person, you should absolutely not date them. They say it’s a waste of time, that you should be waiting for Mr. Right, that you will absolutely regret it if you don’t. This is a crock of shit. Casual, playful dating allows you to explore not only your own likes and dislikes in relation to others, but you also get to study the preferences of others and how they relate to you. And you can learn all of this without the harsh pressures of being in a relationship with the supposed ‘one’, which is when things get much, much harder. You also get the chance to figure out how to balance a relationship and daily life, because it isn’t easy. This way when the right one does come around, you will have practiced and be prepared. I let my first relationship completely take over my life, so that any inkling of my ‘self’, my life before he entered the picture, had disappeared. It taught me a lot, and now when Colt Prattes finally arrives, I will know how not to lose myself in that gorgeous chiseled body of his. The most important reason to consider is the fact that dating the ‘meh’ guy allows you room to figure out how to communicate with a partner. This is not something that is instinctual, it is learned with practice, and trial and error. In my last relationship, my ex loathed having serious conversations in person. If he had something important to say, he always did it over text. In my mind, this is not effective communication, and he knew how much it bothered me, but to keep the peace I did it his way. In the end, it made for a lot of misunderstanding, and what could have been real, substantial moments between us became impersonal blurbs on a screen. In all future relationships, I flatly refuse to have conversations beyond “grab me a cinnamon latte with almond milk” over text. And of course, when it comes to dating, the best way to get over someone is to… how did that go again? So there’s a guy who works at my college. He’s kind of cute, but what impressed me was his character. He conducts himself with a kind of traditional gentlemanism that I didn’t think extended beyond the Baby Boomer generation. No, he’s not a model. Not in the slightest. But the brief connection we have now is kind of intriguing, and there is no reason not to get to know him. (Bonus: He wears glasses!) We likely will have a couple conversations, have a couple laughs, and then move on with our tedious lives. But hey, you never know. Maybe we’ll end up married with seven kids one day, arguing over who left the Cheetos in the couch, and which one of us is going to get their tubes tied. (Hint: It won’t be me.) The point here is, I'm not head over heels crazy for him, but that's alright. It will be what it will be, and then it will be over. Just like the rest of life. It's perfectly okay to live it.
1 Comment
Kali
7/2/2017 10:54:56
Hi there! I stumbled across your profile on YWS and I am so glad for this happy occurrence. Discovering your blog has further opened up my eyes to romantic relationships and trying to ground myself. I admire how you instill in your journal postings that not everything is perfect or going to turn out how we expect, but that is okay. I enjoy reading your entries and getting inside your head, because you are honest and raw in your experiences through writing, and quite frankly, very intriguing and intelligent. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and stories with the interweb. You have helped me through some dark days with your advice and writings.
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